Set backs

I'm being pretty hard on myself today.

I'm a week away from my first 20 min run and my knees are hurting.  Yep.  They have been throbbing for a week.  Which means I haven't run for about a week and I'm frustrated.

Tonight I ran anyway.  I don't care if it hurts.  Maybe it needs to hurt to get better?

I feel like I've been plugging away at this couch to 5k thing (not on a very rigid schedule :s) and I do not look at all how I thought I would look.  I look the same.  Although that idea has been argued to the contrary by my loving and understanding hubs.

I feel like my arms and lower legs are better.  But I still have the flab of skin that is supposed to by my stomach and saddle bags at the tops of my thighs...and my weight hasn't changed at all.

I know you aren't supposed to look at the scale but I'm desperate for encouragement.  I'm trying...but it's not enough I guess.

Blah.  Whatever.

How's that for a pic me up blog post!  Go eat some ice-cream now.

Adoption 101

Since this whole process began, my inbox on Facebook has been full of friends inquiring about the adoption process.  So, I thought I'd blog about it so the information is always there and so I know I haven't forgotten to mention anything.

We are adopting two children from within my side of the family.  I'm not too sure about the process for finding a child from another country or from within Canada.  I have heard that the wait for a newborn Canadian baby is approx 8 years and an international baby is approx 2-3 years.
The steps after you locate your wee babe are the same.

Find an excellent lawyer.  This is your family and your future babies.  It's worth the money.  Our lawyer is named Leslie Tallis.  She is the number one adoption lawyer in the city.  It's all she does and has been doing for years!  I have complete confidence in her.  Not once did anything go against our favour.

First we had to get their parents to go down to Social Services where they would be educated about what it actually means to give your child up for adoption.  It is an educational meeting for them and by no means do they try to convince them to keep them.  They also make sure that the adoptive parents are not bribing (paying, buying gifts, etc) the biological parents.  This is illegal in Canada.  Which in part why it takes so long to get a newborn baby.  It's not like Juno where you can just pick a pregnant lady, pay her way through the pregnancy and hope you get a newborn out of the deal.  Seriously...you cannot even buy the woman flowers in the hospital after birth.

Secondly the birth parents return to Social Services to sign an Adoption Certificate.  This process sounds easy enough but when you have to track down birth parents it's not easy.  We found Sage's dad and he was lazy and had to be threatened to be taken to court...which was enough to get him down to Social Services.  Hayden's dad we never did find.  We had to prove due process to show the courts that we did try to find him.  This way we could dispense of his consent.  And we did.
We were a little concerned about Sage's birth dad in case he decided to fight in court.  But Leslie said that in 25 years she has only had one birth dad show up in court!  And as soon as she mentioned how much he would have to pay in child support to see his child he gave up.  Easy.  (And sad.)

This process took 2 years.

Now you owe your lawyer some cash.  Because this next part is up to you and you won't be using her services for a while.  Approx $6,000.

Then your lawyer gives you a list of professionals to do a home study.  Approx $1800.  This is not meant to be scary!  It has been completely educational.  I love our social worker!  I want to keep her forever.  She has been so helpful and answered to many questions that I almost burst out crying at second meeting.  She helps with any questions you may have regarding the adoption.  Any aspect of it.  She also helps with parenting questions.  They are all about attachment parenting so they help provide tips on how to do develop a secure attachment with adopted children.  (She mentioned that it is easier to do this with older children than with babies under 3 that have been adopted!)  Point for the older kids that need homes!

We have to do 6 home studies.  This normally takes 6 weeks but it's summer.  I imagine we will be done near the end of September.  I really don't want her to go already.  The only other professional I have ever felt this way about was my midwife.

She also helps with your homework!  You will have to complete a Criminal Records Check, a Child Abuse Check (done at Social Services), a full medical examination, a personal history, and reference check.  The personal history and reference check is a lot.  And we will probably have to have friends and family over for drinks when they are done.  It's intense but it has to be.  These kids have been through enough.  And if you want them, you'll do it.  Oh yeah...pay your lawyer some more :)

Once that is done everything that we have completed up to this point is sent off to the courts.  Call up your lawyer again.  This takes approx 3 months depending where you end up in the pile.  Then we sign our lives away and we're done!....well just starting really ;)

Good luck!  It's so worth it!

Sh*t Hayden Says #263

You know that day we just had that was damn near +40?  I got home from work, everyone was cranky and miserable so Robert and I decided to take everyone to a movie and have popcorn for supper.  Yesss!

On the way home we decided to stop at Superstore to stock up on snacks.  We were low on everything.

The theatre was only remotely cooler than our house so aside from the entertainment it wasn't that much better.  And I think most of you know of my Superstore Outburst of 2012.  So we were all lazy and feeling crummy and I didn't want to brave the hell that is Superstore by myself so I made everyone come with me to bask in my misery.

Turns out we should have just hung out in the freezer section for a couple of hours!  It was great!

As we were on our way out we came to an intersection with a very lady like transvestite.  Honestly, she made me feel like a man.  She walked better than me, had better posture, and had a calm and delightful look upon her face while browsing the aisles.  The only thing she missed was her midnight shadow.  I think she forgot to shave her face which may be equivalent to me forgetting to shave my legs?  An honest and soon to be hilarious mistake.

I knew what was coming in my head.  In an instant I had the whole thing pictured.  Beginning to end.

I already had my bitchy line of "Excuse for not teaching my six year old about trannies just yet!"  (Totally inappropriate and I'm so glad it didn't come to that but nobody be messin' with my kids girlfriend!)

Robert and I noticed and kept moving along...really who cares.  Hayden was a different story.  Hayden stopped dead in his tracks.  The look of complete bewilderment came over his face...jaw hanging and everything.  I prepared myself for the worst when he inserted his popsicle (yes I feed my kids food before I buy it..it's about survival people!) back into his mouth and moved on.

Phewff!!  Thank goodness!!  In the clear.

Hayden wasn't right though for the rest of the night.  Unusually quiet, not interested in playing.  Just seemed as though he was pondering.  I thought that today would be the day I had to explain this.  Totally off guard.  No idea what to say or how to explain it other than "to each their own" and "does not affect my life in anyway".  Which we all know that to a six year old loaded with questions these answers would not cut it.

The dreaded bed time came...the time when kids want to talk.  Hayden got all into his pj's and went to brush his teeth.  I was waiting for him in his room...prepping for some sort of discussion.

Hayden burst out of the bathroom, hitting the door on the wall behind him.  Ran into his room, jumped onto the bed, smacked me and yelled "Oh my god mom!  That man wants a Regina!!"

Thank Goodness he figured it out!!  

My only reply that night was "Don't say Oh my god...and yes...you're right."

Buy ALL the shoes!!

So I have been wondering where to buy Sanuks for kids and found them at Escape!!  Thanks for the tip Carey!!  Great customer service too!!  Three kids and an adult were hooked up in 15 minutes.  Everyone got what they wanted and no tears!!  The staff even seemed to enjoy it :)

Kids shoes are something I spend money on too.  There is a huge difference between how Walmart or Joe shoes pan out versus the name brands.

We got home and I realized that I cannot walk into my narrow front hallway because of all the shoes.  So I decided to give some away!!  The pile wasn't nearly as big as I was hoping it would be though...

Here's the thing...
The kids each have 1 pair of active outdoor shoes for every season and 1 pair of casual outdoor shoes for every season.  Plus a pair of dress shoes, and a pair of indoor shoes for school.

That is 12 pairs of shoes right there!

Will is the exception because he is new and shiny so he has so many shoes I don't even bother thinking about it!  Let's say he has 9 pairs of shoes just from the ones I can think of right now.

So we're at 17 pairs of shoes.

Then there are the shoes for Robert and I.  Adults have WAY more occasions that call for different shoes.  There are probably 10 pairs for both of us.

So now we're at 27 pairs of shoes sitting in my front entrance!!  That I can't get rid of yet!!  Normal??!!
Anyone??!!

Please someone make me feel better...

I do have a reno planned to help our narrow, long front entrance but not until fall when we aren't so busy outside ;)

You asked for it!! How to Get Compliments Grocery Shopping Part 1

One of the biggest things we have learned this year is that it is easy to blow the budget on food with a family of 5.  There really is no room for error or poor planning.

Being lazy costs $$.  Not planning ahead costs $$ too.  Having to run out for supper with 5 costs a minimum of $40 for McDick's.  If we want a decent meal where we can sit quietly and not listen to mayhem (we're demanding I know) it is about $60...just to sit!  Nothing special about this meal.

$40 to $100 may not seem like much for some to spend on a whim BUT I would rather spend that on a date night, or a couple decent pairs of shoes for the kids, or any form of entertainment that will last longer than 45min. Because we eat and run!  For us and for those sitting around us...

This is why I have become a prostar at the grocery planning.  In order to show people how I do it I have to plan ahead and track my spending.  I'll take a months worth of shopping trips and show receipts!

But in order to prep for that here are my own house rules for food!

1)  No snacks that come in crinkly packages...this sucks more for me than the kids.  I try to bake 2-3 snacks a week.  The only crinkly packages in my cupboards are soup crackers, raisins, nuts, and tuna.

2) I make all my own sauces and condiments.  It's really easier than it sounds!

3)  My cupboards are fully stocked with spices, stocks (in case I have run out of my own), and baking supplies.

4)  Be wary of "house brands".  These are not always cheaper.  Safeway is really good for showing how much you are paying per 100 grams on their prices.  I rarely buy house brands.

5) Contrary to #4 sometimes house brands are cheaper.  And I buy it.  Let's face it.  Crap is crap.  And if my kids are dying for some KD crap...I'd rather pay .48 cents for crap than $1 for the "better" crap.

6)  I try my hardest to go grocery shopping with the smallest number of kids possible.  Kids are a distraction and it is easy to break focus and just buy all the things and not look at prices!  And then buy yourself all the things to make yourself feel better because your kids are driving you insane.  This is what causes me to break the budget many times in the past.  No matter how badly your kids are behaving...you do not deserve a new dress.

7)  I watch flyers.  Sometimes Costco is cheaper, sometimes Superstore is cheaper, sometimes Walmart is cheaper...sometimes Shoppers!  Watch out.  I would thought I could coupon but that takes time.  And I watched one episode of Extreme Couponing and almost died of a heart attack at the extreme hoarding going on!

8) Beware of Super Centres that have it all.  It is easy to blow the budget on a good deal that isn't food!

People say they can't afford Safeway or Co-op but it is a lot easier to stay on budget when there is no other option at the store that isn't food.

9)  For fun snacks my kids get to pick out two fruits and two vegetables that they haven't tried before.  Sounds lame but kids really just like to have some control in their opinions and choices.  Who doesn't?  And they have come home with some cool stuff.  

10)  If it is out of the budget, I don't buy it.  It will just have to wait for next week.  Or figure out a cheaper option.

11)  A little more time (and I mean seconds) can save you at least half!  Yep.  Sliced bread doubles the cost of a loaf.  I can buy 4 loaves of whole wheat unsliced bread for $3.  It stays fresh longer and tastes better.  This rule applies to many other things.

12) Meal Planning is an absolute must.

13) Do a cupboard inventory every week to see what you have leftover that could be turned into a possible meal...beef up a meal on the meal plan...and to make sure you don't end up buying double!  I have cayenne pepper to last generations :s

14) Don't be a snob.  When my "random" household items is quite long I stop at Dollarama to see what they have.  You would be surprised to see how much brand name stuff they carry.

It's summer!  I'm way less experimental during the summer...which means an even cheaper bill!  We just want to eat something and get back outside.  Or BBQ.  Lately my bill has been $100-$150 a week :)  I've even gotten a few compliments from the cashiers lately...Which means more money for stuff that I want to spend $ on.  

Irrational Fear?

It has almost been a year since I've been taking anti anxiety meds and my doctor would like to start weaning me off.  Done breast feeding, Will is sleeping better, and it's summer!  Sun makes you happy!

But I'm scared.  

I'm scared that I need medication to love my family and enjoy my life.

I'm afraid of what it will do to my psyche if I can't handle life without the medication.

I was silly and wanted to try to stop the meds "cold turkey".  That didn't go well.  I felt dizzy, nauseous, numb, and was totally fine with all hell breaking loose in my house as long as I had my little bubble to hide in.

Not good.  I should probably mention that to my doctor...but I'm afraid of the lecture of trying to stop the meds myself.  I've always thought that other people deciding to go off their meds were crazy...but I do see the appeal in wanting to feel like you have some control over your life.

I'm having anxiety over having to give up my anxiety pills.

I have 30 days of pills left and I kind of want to take one every other day so that I have 60 days before I have to think about going to the doc and coming up with a plan.

This sucks.

I clearly don't know if I want them or not.

I never thought that I would be this mom.  Didn't even cross my mind.  I knew that it ran in the family but I thought that I was stronger than that.

What does it mean if I can't function without them?

I'm jealous of all the moms that can just go out with their babies in that first year.  I remember crying at home all day, my midwife taking me for practice runs walking around the block or driving my car without Will in hopes that someday I could do it with him.  I spent 3 weeks straight inside my house.  And Robert had to really be convincing in order to get me to walk around the block.  I really don't remember much about the first 6 months at all.  Instead of cherishing the first year I just wanted it to be over.  So is that person going to come back?

I hope that Will doesn't find out what his mom was like when he was a newborn.  And that if he does that he knows how sorry I am that I wasn't strong enough.  

How come other moms can handle the first year but I can't?  I'm always so afraid that other moms will judge me and think that I'm totally incompetent or judge Will and think that he is a horrible baby...(as if there is such a thing).  When really we are told all the time that he is the happiest baby most have seen.  Argh.

Hopefully I can remember all these things when I go to the doc...

I prefer blogging about the trials of parenthood.  But this needed to be a post so that I can move on.

Happy Mother's Day....now cry.

Yep! My kids made me cry for Mother's Day. But a happy cry.

I feel so fortunate that Sage and Hayden call me "mom". When we adopted them Robert and I decided that we would not ask them to call us anything. Robert was "dad" right away. I had to wait a bit longer to be "mom". Sometimes I would be mom, or auntie, or Shauna.

It made sense. Neither of them know their birth fathers. So the opportunity to have a dad was new for them. But they already have a mommy, and a mama, and a nana, and an Auntie Shauna. I was happy with our decision to not force names upon them for Robert and I but I think I felt like it would be nice if they called me mom because I wanted to be one to them so badly.

I was patient though and waited.

I'm mom all the time now:) I got a card, some roses that Sage picked out, a cake that Hayden piced out and giggles from Will :)

I had been joking around at work on Mother's Day (after my partner bought me a yummy lunch!) that I didn't want another craft! Lol. I have stacks of pictures...I love them all but I'm sure any mom reading this understands my little funny ;)

Well I also got crafts. And these are the gifts that ironically made me cry and I love them! Hayden's is decorating my locker at work and Sage wrote a book of poems that sits proudly on display in our living room...I also took the crafts to brag at work :)

One of Sage's poems ended with "Did you know that there are babies and kids in the world without mommies or food or shelter? Did you know that I got to be adopted? Did you know that you are my mommy and I love you dearly?"

Cue tears.