I've tried my best to install in my children that the words "love" and "hate" are two powerful words.
I often encourage them to use the words "dislike", and "enjoy" etc. And reserve that word "love" for something or someone that truly deserves it.
Anybody who knows Sagelyne and Hayden know their history. It hasn't been easy for either of them. I pray that life goes well for them and that all the labels that apply to them with their background won't become true i.e. "high risk youth".
Hayden seems like he is making out okay. The school thing has calmed down and he is into a good routine. His biggest issue right now is not getting tired after lunch at school...which is a huge improvement!
Sagelyne was doing really well in the beginning and I feel like things are going backwards. I'm sure this is normal but she has so much attitude, cannot get ready for anything without having to be told 100 times, is so loud and interruptive, I could go on but I feel like she is out of control.
Today was the breaking point. I have been wondering all day what to do with her. What the best plan of action would be. Take away ALL her things? Tell her no TV? That she can't have a sleepover at grandma's this weekend?
And then while I was tidying up the house for the millionth time today I found a note. Not in her diary or anything...just a random piece of paper. Scribbled all over it was "I hate you Sagelyne Ava Carruthers!"
I wish Hayden could write...
So now what.
How do I punish a girl who hates herself? Who thinks she is ugly? Who thinks that she isn't good at anything? Who thinks that her biological dad doesn't love her? Who constantly questions why her biological mom gave her up?
I know part of the answer is that I cannot let her getaway with her inappropriate behaviour regardless of her background. I don't want her past to ever be a crutch.
But how to teach a girl who has hated herself for 8 years to love herself?
That totally breaks my heart, and I don't have any suggestions other than to keep on loving her the way you do and hopefully she will start loving herself too :(
ReplyDelete/\ Agreed. What an intensely difficult situation to be in. Luckily she has you, who will work hard to figure out a solution, but holy man.. that's hard.
ReplyDeleteLet me know if there's anything I can do to help. <3
I am so sorry for poor Sagelyne.
ReplyDeleteFrom a psych perspective, reinforce positives as much as is humanly possible and get her into positive activities. They are shown by data to have huge protective effects. Do you have a child psychologist available through your EAP who might talk with her, too? Not for any specific reason, just to teach her healthy thought patterns. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is SO GREAT at teaching positive thinking strategies and is solidly evidence based.
I'm a huge Psych supporter (obviously) but I am also a very firm believer in doing background on anyone that you go see. I've seen a horrible counsellor before who made me feel worse than I could have imagined. You want lots of recommendations for working with kids, and I would advocate a CBT specialist with documentation. For me, if I am going to see someone, I do a pretty thorough background check before hand. My heart and soul are all I have :)
You are such an awesome mom, Shauna. I barely know you and reading your posts makes me so in awe of how awesome you are! HUGE props! :)
Also--my word verification was just Assademic and I laughed. That's my new job title.
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