It is no secret that Will and I struggled with breastfeeding for a whole 12 weeks. And by struggling I mean crying in searing knife stabbing pain as old scabs and puss was removed. And then having a whole hour or two (if I was lucky) before he would be hungry again. Day and night.
Nothing is worse than your tears falling on your newborn baby while you try to bond the only way that a mother and baby can...the most naturally. But I hung in there with support from some great friends :)
Whether it be the struggles with nursing, the lack of sleep, hormones or all of the above I was finally diagnosed with PPA....finally....after months of trying to explain to people that something was wrong.
How did cosleeping tie in? LOADS!!
We had a cosleeper that attached to the side of our bed for the first 9 months. It was cosleeping that first tipped me off that Will probably notices during the day that something is wrong between us. When we slept together we would breath at the same time, stretch at the same time, and wake at the same time. It was this connection at night that made me realize that there had to be a subconscious, physical and emotional connection during the day. We got help ASAP.
Then my doctor and midwife gave me permission to cosleep. Not that I needed it but there was always some underlying guilt lurking. Especially being a first time mom. But they told me to test my gut, and if Robert and I sleep best that way...go for it.
And so it began...our way to healing our bond. Once the searing pain ended at about 3 months my little "frequent nurser" and I got so good I hardly woke up anymore to feed him.
Sleep. My sanity was restored. Hormones were under control. And my goal of nursing my baby was met.
We still co sleep and he sleeps through the night :) At last :)
I don't know when it will end. I don't care. Both Will and I survived and if cosleeping helped with that then I'll do it as long as we need.
I really had to plea in order to get help. Sleep and PPA are some hot topics among moms...especially the "bully moms". It wasn't easy. Trust your gut and do what you have to do. It's about you, your baby, and your family. No one else :)
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
February 13th, 2012
Thanks for reminding me about this draft Anne!!
William Bennett was born at exactly 39 weeks on February 13th, 2012! It was much quicker than we had anticipated. A whole 6 hours start to finish :) For those that have been asking for the details...it went a little something like this...
I went to bed at about 10pm because our midwife had mentioned that most women will go into labour at 2am, so start going to bed early. I was incredibly uncomfortable. No pain...just could not get settled. I thought that it was just because we were near the end and the baby was getting so big. I was almost crying because I thought every night would be this uncomfortable for the next few weeks...if he was late.
2AM I got incredibly hot and felt a pop. "Robert....either my water just broke or I am peeing my pants non stop." Of course what do you do for any medical question...don't call the midwife at 2am (like she told us to for anything we may need)...consult google.
Google said that I had up to 48 hours before I would go into labour...good...I had time to prepare. As soon as I hit the "x" to go back to bed...contractions started.
We got up...I had something to eat and drink and we relaxed while I dealt with the contractions and stayed upright and walking.
230AM Called the midwife to tell her my water had broken, that we were going to start timing contractions, and that we would call her back. We decided that this was really happening and started to time contractions. They were exactly 5 min apart lasting 1 min for 1 hour. But I decided that there was no way it could be happening that quickly...so we decided to time for another hour. When contractions started Feb 13th...I was preparing myself mentally to have a baby on Feb 14th.
330AM The second hour of timing contractions and we were at 3 min apart lasting 1 min for 1 hour...and I puked up my early morning breakfast.
430AM Called midwife to tell her that I puked and the length of contractions...and that I could no longer focus on anything else but getting through them. She said she would be right over....she had to get up, pack, and drive from the east end...I anxiously waited for her ;)
530AM Midwife arrived to check me. She thought that I was still in early labour by looking at how I was handling everything...but was amazed when we were already 6-7cm along. Robert said the look on her face was priceless. Then she smiled at me, looked into my eyes and reassured me that I was doing amazing for a FTM and that it would be over soon. She instructed Robert to start filling the pool while she set up all of her medical supplies. And I needed an IV because I was GBS +. We should have started to fill the pool at 230AM...but of course we were in shock and denial. We were sure we would have close to 20 hours to get that pool full lol.
630 AM She was all set up...the midwife to care for Will had arrived and the pool was only 1/3 of the way full. In order for water to be pain and pressure relieving, it has the be full and I had to be buoyant. I was asking to get in with it only 1/3 of the way full and asked if it would provide the same pain relief. The midwife looked at me and said..."ummm, it'll take the edge off ". Not the answer I wanted but I didn't care...I was in there in a flash. Shortly after I got in we ran out of hot water. This is common and no big deal when you have a stove and kettles. So the midwives were warming my water, massaging my back, smiling and reassuring me, and Robert was working hard with my and keeping me relaxed. At one point Will's heart rate did start to drop (which is normal) and it was as easy as changing positions to get it right back up again (this is a trick they use often). It hurts but I never felt out of control or scared.
820AM I had to get out of the pool to finish. Because the pool was a third full Will could not be born into the water. If any part of a baby is exposed to air, they will start to breathe on their own. So...out I got and in two pushes he was here! Honestly...7-10cm in the pool was the hardest part...but it was short...and do able. No one told me that eventually there would be NO break between contractions. Pushing was the easiest part and felt good! I'd do it again :) Even when it felt like every bone in my body was about to snap, I knew that I could do it!
Thanks team!
So, I would do it again. After hearing so many stories of the screaming and unbearable pain...I'm glad that I have one that I can share and is a good "you can do it!" story.
William Bennett was born at exactly 39 weeks on February 13th, 2012! It was much quicker than we had anticipated. A whole 6 hours start to finish :) For those that have been asking for the details...it went a little something like this...
I went to bed at about 10pm because our midwife had mentioned that most women will go into labour at 2am, so start going to bed early. I was incredibly uncomfortable. No pain...just could not get settled. I thought that it was just because we were near the end and the baby was getting so big. I was almost crying because I thought every night would be this uncomfortable for the next few weeks...if he was late.
2AM I got incredibly hot and felt a pop. "Robert....either my water just broke or I am peeing my pants non stop." Of course what do you do for any medical question...don't call the midwife at 2am (like she told us to for anything we may need)...consult google.
Google said that I had up to 48 hours before I would go into labour...good...I had time to prepare. As soon as I hit the "x" to go back to bed...contractions started.
We got up...I had something to eat and drink and we relaxed while I dealt with the contractions and stayed upright and walking.
230AM Called the midwife to tell her my water had broken, that we were going to start timing contractions, and that we would call her back. We decided that this was really happening and started to time contractions. They were exactly 5 min apart lasting 1 min for 1 hour. But I decided that there was no way it could be happening that quickly...so we decided to time for another hour. When contractions started Feb 13th...I was preparing myself mentally to have a baby on Feb 14th.
330AM The second hour of timing contractions and we were at 3 min apart lasting 1 min for 1 hour...and I puked up my early morning breakfast.
430AM Called midwife to tell her that I puked and the length of contractions...and that I could no longer focus on anything else but getting through them. She said she would be right over....she had to get up, pack, and drive from the east end...I anxiously waited for her ;)
530AM Midwife arrived to check me. She thought that I was still in early labour by looking at how I was handling everything...but was amazed when we were already 6-7cm along. Robert said the look on her face was priceless. Then she smiled at me, looked into my eyes and reassured me that I was doing amazing for a FTM and that it would be over soon. She instructed Robert to start filling the pool while she set up all of her medical supplies. And I needed an IV because I was GBS +. We should have started to fill the pool at 230AM...but of course we were in shock and denial. We were sure we would have close to 20 hours to get that pool full lol.
630 AM She was all set up...the midwife to care for Will had arrived and the pool was only 1/3 of the way full. In order for water to be pain and pressure relieving, it has the be full and I had to be buoyant. I was asking to get in with it only 1/3 of the way full and asked if it would provide the same pain relief. The midwife looked at me and said..."ummm, it'll take the edge off ". Not the answer I wanted but I didn't care...I was in there in a flash. Shortly after I got in we ran out of hot water. This is common and no big deal when you have a stove and kettles. So the midwives were warming my water, massaging my back, smiling and reassuring me, and Robert was working hard with my and keeping me relaxed. At one point Will's heart rate did start to drop (which is normal) and it was as easy as changing positions to get it right back up again (this is a trick they use often). It hurts but I never felt out of control or scared.
820AM I had to get out of the pool to finish. Because the pool was a third full Will could not be born into the water. If any part of a baby is exposed to air, they will start to breathe on their own. So...out I got and in two pushes he was here! Honestly...7-10cm in the pool was the hardest part...but it was short...and do able. No one told me that eventually there would be NO break between contractions. Pushing was the easiest part and felt good! I'd do it again :) Even when it felt like every bone in my body was about to snap, I knew that I could do it!
Thanks team!
So, I would do it again. After hearing so many stories of the screaming and unbearable pain...I'm glad that I have one that I can share and is a good "you can do it!" story.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Reasons my toddler is crying today so far...
He is going to wake up soon but doesn't want to.
He is awake and wants to get up.
He has a dirty diaper.
He does not want a diaper change.
He wants breakfast.
He does not want to sit at the table to eat breakfast.
He wants to climb upstairs.
I touched the baby gate.
He wants to open and close the baby gate himself.
He is trying to take off his Pyjama shirt.
He does not want to get dressed.
He wants to jump on Hayden's bed.
He wants down from Hayden's bed.
He wants to watch Backyardigans.
He wants to hold the remote.
Backyardigans has paused because he does not know how to use a remote.
He wants the grape tomatoes in his mouth....NOW!!!
He doesn't want anymore tomatoes.
He wants to pour Poncho's water all over the floor.
He can't figure out how to get the lid off his sippy cup....probable so he can pour water all over the floor.
He wants lunch.
He does not want to be put down so I can make lunch.
He wants to sit on my lap to eat lunch...not his chair.
He wants to pull all his clothes out of the dresser.
He does not want a nap today.
Reason my toddler is not crying right now:
Cuddling with me on the couch :)
He is awake and wants to get up.
He has a dirty diaper.
He does not want a diaper change.
He wants breakfast.
He does not want to sit at the table to eat breakfast.
He wants to climb upstairs.
I touched the baby gate.
He wants to open and close the baby gate himself.
He is trying to take off his Pyjama shirt.
He does not want to get dressed.
He wants to jump on Hayden's bed.
He wants down from Hayden's bed.
He wants to watch Backyardigans.
He wants to hold the remote.
Backyardigans has paused because he does not know how to use a remote.
He wants the grape tomatoes in his mouth....NOW!!!
He doesn't want anymore tomatoes.
He wants to pour Poncho's water all over the floor.
He can't figure out how to get the lid off his sippy cup....probable so he can pour water all over the floor.
He wants lunch.
He does not want to be put down so I can make lunch.
He wants to sit on my lap to eat lunch...not his chair.
He wants to pull all his clothes out of the dresser.
He does not want a nap today.
Reason my toddler is not crying right now:
Cuddling with me on the couch :)
Friday, April 5, 2013
Grocery shopping for three please!
It takes a brave person to take three children out of the house and into public places.
It's not easy and it takes some prep work. It's okay when we go out to do fun things. That's fairly easy. Usually it's something kid related so it's totally cool if my kids are running around like a bunch of rabid hamsters because so are all the other kids.
The scary trip is grocery shopping.
So many things can go wrong grocery shopping.
1) The Budget. I go with a set budget. I can feed a family of 5 on $160 a week and there is zero crap in my house. I'm fairly proud of this ;) The running total of groceries is easy to keep track of by myself. But add in three kids (one screaming or babbling, one running around the store pretending he works there, and one rolling her eyes and scoffing because "you don't buy her anything EVER") Things get a little sketchy.
"Ok with the eggs I'm at $40." Then insert random chaos, spit, and screaming. Try to remember the number you just said. Impossible.
2) The cart. How can a box on wheels cause mayhem in a grocery store? Do you know what kids LOVE to play with? BOXES!! These boxes have mother f-ing wheels on them!! Need I explain more?
3) Keeping items in the cart. Will throws everything out of the cart. Why not keep everything away from him? Ummmm did you notice I have a family of 5 to feed? You could climb my cart by the time I reach the checkout.
4) Keeping items out of the cart. That's right. I have two kids with me that are constantly asking me for things and hiding items in the cart.
5) Try to look sane. I look totally sane on my own! Trying to discipline two kids in the middle of a grocery store is not easy! We all know that you find the least populated aisle and let me have it but you need SOME control. Plus it s soon forgotten the second they start to misbehave and some stranger looks at them like they are all cute and fluffy. Then everything you just said is gone!
By the end of the trip I am thinking about stopping by the LB but have no energy. So I pick up some Kahlua favored K-cups and am on my way...
Oh. And my organized items at the till goes to crap too. We basically puke the contents of the cart onto the belt. Thanks for the help kiddos! We've survived another shopping trip :)
It's not easy and it takes some prep work. It's okay when we go out to do fun things. That's fairly easy. Usually it's something kid related so it's totally cool if my kids are running around like a bunch of rabid hamsters because so are all the other kids.
The scary trip is grocery shopping.
So many things can go wrong grocery shopping.
1) The Budget. I go with a set budget. I can feed a family of 5 on $160 a week and there is zero crap in my house. I'm fairly proud of this ;) The running total of groceries is easy to keep track of by myself. But add in three kids (one screaming or babbling, one running around the store pretending he works there, and one rolling her eyes and scoffing because "you don't buy her anything EVER") Things get a little sketchy.
"Ok with the eggs I'm at $40." Then insert random chaos, spit, and screaming. Try to remember the number you just said. Impossible.
2) The cart. How can a box on wheels cause mayhem in a grocery store? Do you know what kids LOVE to play with? BOXES!! These boxes have mother f-ing wheels on them!! Need I explain more?
3) Keeping items in the cart. Will throws everything out of the cart. Why not keep everything away from him? Ummmm did you notice I have a family of 5 to feed? You could climb my cart by the time I reach the checkout.
4) Keeping items out of the cart. That's right. I have two kids with me that are constantly asking me for things and hiding items in the cart.
5) Try to look sane. I look totally sane on my own! Trying to discipline two kids in the middle of a grocery store is not easy! We all know that you find the least populated aisle and let me have it but you need SOME control. Plus it s soon forgotten the second they start to misbehave and some stranger looks at them like they are all cute and fluffy. Then everything you just said is gone!
By the end of the trip I am thinking about stopping by the LB but have no energy. So I pick up some Kahlua favored K-cups and am on my way...
Oh. And my organized items at the till goes to crap too. We basically puke the contents of the cart onto the belt. Thanks for the help kiddos! We've survived another shopping trip :)
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Sensory bin rage!
The other day I was on Pinterest and came across some DIY sensory bins.
Will and I are bored out of our minds today so I decided to give it a try. It looked like fun and I can't possibly deprive my baby of a learning experience! ;)
I grabbed a rectangular plastic bin, some oats, and random cups, plastic toys etc. and tossed it all together.
In the pictures you see a smiling baby playing in the bin, nicely and a mom smiling right next to him.
They are sitting in a brightly painted and incredibly organized room.
Right on! The sensory bin keeps baby so busy that they don't make a mess and therefore mom is happy :)
Want to know what it really looks like?
At first Will dipped his hands in and played with the measuring cups. Cute.
Then he started to dump it on the floor around the perimeter of the bin. Still cute.
Then he started to step in it. Not quite as cute but it IS a sensory bin after all.
Then he crouched down and started to grab oats and toss them into a pile. I can live with that...grab broom.
Then he walk through the oats. Glad I got the broom.
Then he starts running throughout the oats, screaming in in joy but the joy that a fully charged psychopath may experience, throwing oats everywhere!
I am still in denial. I calm myself and say that it's ok. I try to stop him but it's not his fault! He cries.
I let him continue hoping that I can catch up with the cleaning while he plays and we can return to sitting on the floor smiling.
Negative!
Disaster ensues. There are oats everywhere, baby crying, and a flustered mom.
Robert gets home at 3 :)
Will and I are bored out of our minds today so I decided to give it a try. It looked like fun and I can't possibly deprive my baby of a learning experience! ;)
I grabbed a rectangular plastic bin, some oats, and random cups, plastic toys etc. and tossed it all together.
In the pictures you see a smiling baby playing in the bin, nicely and a mom smiling right next to him.
They are sitting in a brightly painted and incredibly organized room.
Right on! The sensory bin keeps baby so busy that they don't make a mess and therefore mom is happy :)
Want to know what it really looks like?
At first Will dipped his hands in and played with the measuring cups. Cute.
Then he started to dump it on the floor around the perimeter of the bin. Still cute.
Then he started to step in it. Not quite as cute but it IS a sensory bin after all.
Then he crouched down and started to grab oats and toss them into a pile. I can live with that...grab broom.
Then he walk through the oats. Glad I got the broom.
Then he starts running throughout the oats, screaming in in joy but the joy that a fully charged psychopath may experience, throwing oats everywhere!
I am still in denial. I calm myself and say that it's ok. I try to stop him but it's not his fault! He cries.
I let him continue hoping that I can catch up with the cleaning while he plays and we can return to sitting on the floor smiling.
Negative!
Disaster ensues. There are oats everywhere, baby crying, and a flustered mom.
Robert gets home at 3 :)
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Poncho Rehab
With all of the changes over the past year, Poncho has gone from angry to sad to just depressed.
Baby = angry
2 more kids = sad
Hardwood floors that he refuses to walk on = most depressed dog ever!
So, we have deemed April "Poncho Rehab Month".
Step 1: New do! I'm pretty choked that the groomer cut off his Mohawk. Not cool.
Step 2: Learn how to cut his nails so that I'm not waiting to get the groomer to do it. This will help with the floors :)
Step 3: With the snow melt we are back to our 30 min daily walks.
Step 4: We introduced a raw food diet. He LOVES it! Plus he will chew on the raw bones for hours which will eliminate teeth cleaning and keeps him busy ALL day. This took a lot of research and finding a reliable supplier. And I almost puked the first time I served up his raw patty. But he downed it! And to be honest, he was so sad that he stopped eating his kibble. Eating disorder solved!
Step 5: Glucosamine. I've been adding it to his meal as a prevention for arthritis. I don't think it has set in yet but little dogs receive a lot of wear and tear on their poor joints. If he is sore the wod floors won't help anything.
Step 6: Train Poncho to join us in the family room. He is walking around the whole house now BUT not the family room. Which is where we spend most of our time :s
He is happier already! But this month will be a lot of work. We've had some good cuddles together lately. Snuggles and the relaxing walks outside have been good for me too! Pet therapy is great!
Baby = angry
2 more kids = sad
Hardwood floors that he refuses to walk on = most depressed dog ever!
So, we have deemed April "Poncho Rehab Month".
Step 1: New do! I'm pretty choked that the groomer cut off his Mohawk. Not cool.
Step 2: Learn how to cut his nails so that I'm not waiting to get the groomer to do it. This will help with the floors :)
Step 3: With the snow melt we are back to our 30 min daily walks.
Step 4: We introduced a raw food diet. He LOVES it! Plus he will chew on the raw bones for hours which will eliminate teeth cleaning and keeps him busy ALL day. This took a lot of research and finding a reliable supplier. And I almost puked the first time I served up his raw patty. But he downed it! And to be honest, he was so sad that he stopped eating his kibble. Eating disorder solved!
Step 5: Glucosamine. I've been adding it to his meal as a prevention for arthritis. I don't think it has set in yet but little dogs receive a lot of wear and tear on their poor joints. If he is sore the wod floors won't help anything.
Step 6: Train Poncho to join us in the family room. He is walking around the whole house now BUT not the family room. Which is where we spend most of our time :s
He is happier already! But this month will be a lot of work. We've had some good cuddles together lately. Snuggles and the relaxing walks outside have been good for me too! Pet therapy is great!
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