How cosleeping (gasp!) saved me and my baby

It is no secret that Will and I struggled with breastfeeding for a whole 12 weeks. And by struggling I mean crying in searing knife stabbing pain as old scabs and puss was removed. And then having a whole hour or two (if I was lucky) before he would be hungry again. Day and night.

Nothing is worse than your tears falling on your newborn baby while you try to bond the only way that a mother and baby can...the most naturally.  But I hung in there with support from some great friends :)

Whether it be the struggles with nursing, the lack of sleep, hormones or all of the above I was finally diagnosed with PPA....finally....after months of trying to explain to people that something was wrong.

How did cosleeping tie in? LOADS!!

We had a cosleeper that attached to the side of our bed for the first 9 months. It was cosleeping that first tipped me off that Will probably notices during the day that something is wrong between us.  When we slept together we would breath at the same time, stretch at the same time, and wake at the same time. It was this connection at night that made me realize that there had to be a subconscious, physical and emotional connection during the day. We got help ASAP.

Then my doctor and midwife gave me permission to cosleep. Not that I needed it but there was always some underlying guilt lurking. Especially being a first time mom. But they told me to test my gut, and if Robert and I sleep best that way...go for it.

And so it began...our way to healing our bond. Once the searing pain ended at about 3 months my little "frequent nurser" and I got so good I hardly woke up anymore to feed him.

Sleep. My sanity was restored. Hormones were under control. And my goal of nursing my baby was met.

We still co sleep and he sleeps through the night :) At last :)

I don't know when it will end. I don't care. Both Will and I survived and if cosleeping helped with that then I'll do it as long as we need.

I really had to plea in order to get help.  Sleep and PPA are some hot topics among moms...especially the "bully moms". It wasn't easy. Trust your gut and do what you have to do. It's about you, your baby, and your family. No one else :)