I have been having a hard time lately with the MIL and my mom. Of course my dad and Karen are always cool no matter what I do lol.
Will is 8.5 months and we're doing wonderfully. He is having some separation anxiety but I've read that that is totally normal around this age. He was fine up until about 7 months and then just like the books said...it kicked in. We're fine with it. Our point of view is that if he wants mom...let him have me! Don't get me wrong...if I need to get something done I will set him down. But I go back to him in a couple minutes when I'm done and make sure he knows that I'm there the whole time I'm gone by talking to him. It works for us.
We've never bought in to the cry it out...or the so called "no cry" solutions. If it's a weak cry we don't respond and see if it will stop but as soon as it escalates we're there for him.
He is now only getting up once or twice a night, we're bed sharing half the night, and things are improving in his own time :) Which gives me confidence that listening to my instincts is what Will needs. Will is doing things in his own time as he grows and matures.
Going to sleep is improving too. Now we get in our pi's, read a story, cuddle together, and rock to sleep. Then when he is nice and extremely drowsy I put him in his crib and he's out. The point here is in his crib not our bed :)
The mom's seem to think that I should just let him cry. That I have created this separation anxiety and constantly make remarks that we are going to be "traumatized" when we start day care....which we will only need one day a week. How traumatized can we be? I actually heard one of them say to him as he was crying "No one cares if you cry". I immediately went and got our baby. We care if he cries. What is so wrong for a baby to know that his parents will be there for him if he cries? He is 8 months old! No one has taught him how to manipulate...and I can guarantee that every time the crying escalates there has been something not right for Will.
I wish they would understand that unlike most mom's I didn't get to enjoy cuddling my baby in the beginning. He would be crying and I would be crying, begging for someone to take him from me. It's just now that I feel like I could cuddle him forever.
Will is a fantastic baby! We lucked out! I'm happy that we haven't forced anything on him and that we have taken our time to trust our instincts. Any changes we have done in the gentlest way possible. Yep, it takes longer. But we are happy with how the changes have gone. And it's us who have to live in this house. If it's not a problem for us why should it be for anyone else. You don't have to sleep in our bed at night and you don't have to put him to sleep.
They often ask when they will get to have sleepovers and what about time away from Will. If you were to ask Will if he wanted to have a sleepover...he would say no. This is purely for them...not Will. We don't want to be away from Will. We go out on dates and are home around 10-11pm. But for the most part we want to be with our family. Our kids and baby will grow up fast. We don't feel the need to "get away from our kids" when we have a weekend with nothing to do. We want to relax at home as a family and enjoy each other when we aren't running around.
Maybe I'm different because of the struggles we had in the beginning. Maybe babysitting is hard for me because of PPA. But I feel like we are doing better. And I just want to enjoy my baby now. I can't dwell on the "what ifs"...I just need to do what I feel is best NOW.
We are happy with our parenting choices, it may not work for others...but it works for us. The others don't live here.
Okay...I feel better lol. I promise I will have a upbeat, happy post soon lol.
My dad was really into attachment parenting...my mom had PPD so he was the primary care giver a lot of the time. She went unmedicated. He has been a huge support. He reminds me that I slept with him, he stayed with me etc. All the choices that we are making. This helps.
My mom has been a huge support too. She is over quite a bit during the week to help our family with whatever I need done :)
I guess I just needed a good rant.
I so totally agree with everything you've written! When he's crying he's trying to tell you something! If you ignore him, what does that tell him? Rosalie really only has separation issues in the evening, but I think that's more because she wants to clusterfeed before bed and hates bottles.... but she's only 6 months, so it could still be coming.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are following your instincts, because they probably won't lead you wrong. Sometimes I feel like a hippy when I do stuff like that because it's totally common sense, but people have been taught differently. lol.
Good for you! You're doing a great job! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! :)
some great mother advice I got was that it's only an issue when it becomes an issue for YOU. If you are ok with how things are going, then that means it's right for your family. You guys are amazing parents and have had such a full year. :)
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